Greet God!
I write you, because you must help me. I have seen your space shuttle in the television . In Colour. And so came me the idea to make holidays in the worldroom. Without my cracy wife. I`m the Kraxlhuber. The King of Bavaria was my clock-clock-grandfather. I stand on a very bad foot with my wife. Always she shouts with me. She has a shrill voice like a circle saw. She lets no good hair on me. She says I am a Schlapp-tail. She wonts that I become Buergermaster. But I want not to be Buergermaster. I have nothing at the hat with the political shit. I want my Ruah. And so I want make holidays on the moon. Without my bad half. But I take my dog with me. He is a boxer. His name is Wurstl.
So I want book a flight in your next Space Shuttle. But please give mi not a window place. I would kotz you the rocket full, because I am not swindle free. And no standing-place please. And please do not tell my wife that I want go alone. She has a big Schrot-Gun. She would make a sieve from my ass. I need much comfort. A nice double room with bath and kloo and heating. And windows with look to the earth. So I can look through my far-glasses and see my wife working on the potatoe field. And I and my dog lough us a branch (haehaehae). We will kringel ourself loughing (hoehoehoe)! Is was loos on the moon? I need worm weather and I hope the sun shines every day. This is very good for my frost-boils. I need not much. A good bread time, a good Haxn and a Mass beer. Have they chew-tobacco on the moon? If not, I bring it with. Is in the rocket place for my drive wheel?
Tell the man of the moon that i come. I hope he has no wife. We can make outflights with my drive wheel. We can make crater-wandering. I bring him the Bavarian national hymn bei. We can make tobacco chewing. We can drink a lot of hopblossom-tea. I hope he is no Preiss!!! We can spuck around the bed. We can make finger-hooking. I bring the Bavarian flag with and we can dance shoeplattler around it. Have they flies on the moon? If yes, I bring my weather-frog with. De will get fat like a otter. I want make 5 weeks holidays. When you have a new rocket after 5 weeks, I wait for the next rainbow and drive with my Radl. Please make a good price - under good friends. I cannot pay so peppered prices, because my pocket money is not so much.
Send your answer to my neighbour Wastl Hintermoser. I have the honour. Your Alois Kraxlhuber
P.S. Dont fly when is full-moon. My dog, this Pig-Bazi, becomes always epileptic and makes so much noise.